Funny Relationship Lessons

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I’m so reluctant on posting this. Most is embarrassing rather than insightful but I guess I need to just suck it up and be honest. As I hang my head in shame and now and then bang my head off of the table…

First I’m not longer in a relationship. I guess my first lesson was that regardless of who I go out with, get engaged to or marry I will always find myself standing with the broom in my hand wondering if I can sweep him out the door and have him blow away in the wind. Just joking. My last relationship was a seven year rollercoaster ride. I still love him a great deal and he was the one man who brought out the best in me until the 7th year (hanging head).

So from that relationship my lessons are the following:

  1. No matter how much he says he wants to do everything with you and nothing without out.. he’s lying through his teeth! Reality is I will admit I loved hearing it. But I found him suffocating himself with me just to make me happy. He’d throw that plastic bag over his head and then rip it off after an hour of being with me and decide he wanted to go home, drop me off and head out with the guys after all. I was left standing in the driveway watching him back out waving with a smile and my hands flying up in the air and heading into the house to cuddle up on the couch with the furbaby.  The lesson: DOGS wont tell you what you think you want to hear… they will cuddle with you and spend every waking moment with you providing you rub his belly!
  2. If your significant other stands in the mirror with the razor and asks you if he’d look good bald do NOT EVER tell him “Sure, of course” then allow him to talk you into helping him shave his head. Because he will expect it every week just to have you caress his bald head, then when you don’t he’ll ask you why?  The lesson: Rubbing a man’s bald head is equivelant to stroking his ego and when you stop then he thinks you don’t love him anymore or in my case he’s thinking you prefer stroking the fluffy fur of the dog, and want the soft long locks he once had that he’s now debating on how long it will take to grow back just to get you to stroke him
  3. .When your dating a man who has parents who are devout Christians do not ever swear at the hornet that stung you while standing in thier kitchen. No amount of pain can give you reason enough to cuss and use the Lord’s name in vain just to have them gathered behind you in a circle with the entire family (Mother, Father, three brothers, a sister, an aunt and uncle, 2 curious Pomeranians and 4 tabby cats) gawking at the commotion and to see the jaws drop as you turn around with your shirt raised showing off your belly button and a huge red bump as you stomp on a hornet quoting the much undesired “TAKE THAT DAMN YOU, JUST DIE!”

 

Ok so those are my top 3. I don’t have 5 funny but real lessons from my relationship.

What is one of your funny but real lesson from your most recent relationship?

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